Creating my own blog backgrounds...I'm bored...

Well I'm still waiting for AF to show up. I got a new laptop about a week ago. It has some really neat software on it that I've been playing around with. My house renovation is complete so I've got to have something to do to pass the time.

I have tried all day to figure out how I can upload the cool backgrounds I've created without having to purchase Photobucket Pro. So far I've had no success. From what I've found, the free version of Photobucket compresses your file size when you upload thus making the file too small to use as a background. So if anyone out there has any suggestions other than purchasing Photobucket Pro, I'm all ears.

I figured I could make a bunch of blog backgrounds and scrapbook pages while I'm on bedrest after my transfer. Better than just laying around bored. :~)

Having Faith

Over the weekend, I've had a few moments of wondering if my embies will attach this time and wondering if I'll carry to term. I was praying for faith this weekend. I prayed that God would help me be faithful to him and help me have faith that these embies will make it.

Well be careful what you pray for. After praying I was filled with this sense that it was all ok. This morning even I woke with a feeling of relief that my babies would be ok no matter what.

Then I get to work and find out my company is laying off 1500-2000 people. Don't know if I'll be one of them and I won't know until May sometime. Here I am about to go on this journey and now the worry of possibly losing my job.

I keep reminding myself that I asked for help with having faith. Well to go through this transfer with the possibility of losing my job is going to take all the faith I can muster. Here I am just about a week from starting my journey and then this.

I just have to have faith and pray that God shows me what I should do.

In about 4 weeks.....

I'll be packing my bags for CA!!!!! I was just figuring up finances today and trying to see how much money we'd need vs. how much money we have to take on our trip. As I was counting up paydays I realized that in about 4 weeks I'll be headed to CA!!!! (as long as AF comes when she's supposed to)

I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I'm excited to be pregnant again and hopeful that I'll carry to term, but scared that it won't work or that I'll miscarry again. It's funny because I will be thinking about things and think, "Yea!! I'll be pregnant again soon!" Then I realize that I might not be. I guess I should just keep thinking I'm going to be pregnant and forget about the not being. ;~)

I've really been pretty quiet about this transfer. I haven't told anyone outside of 2 very close friends, my parents & my sister, and my boss. Last time I did tell a handful of people, but this time I'm just not sharing that much. I will once I'm pregnant though. :~) I'll be shouting it from the rooftop I'm sure!

The other day I was going through all the blogs I followed last time and noticed that every single one is either pregnant or just gave birth!!! I'm hoping that's a good sign!!!

I'm glad I waited as long as I did to try again because I'm in a really good place now and feel I am at peace and can focus fully on this transfer and helping these little embies grow.

Praise God that he blessed us with 16 total embryos last year and we still have 14 frozen and waiting for us to come get them. I pray that we only need to thaw 2 yet again and that the other 12 will be safe and ready for either us to use again, or for us to donate to another couple so they can know the joy of being a parent as well. We have 6 blastocysts and 8 day 3 embryos.

Hello FedEx!!! ~~~ and other thoughts

Well here it is!!! FedEx delivered the last of my meds last week! Mind you I've consolidated what I had left from last time with my new batch so this picture shows about a month and a half worth of meds and shots. I'll be taking doxycycline ( along with DH ) for 2 weeks before FET. I also have 5 valium. I'll take one or two the day of transfer to relax my uterus. My protocol is estrogen twice a week and progesterone daily. I don't know what the amounts are yet.

I remember being so concerned about all the shots last time and now it's like no big deal. A few people have asked me what I've learned from last time to this time and what I'm most afraid of. Well I've learned that no matter what it's all in God's hands and nothing can change that. Not the best quality embryos, not the best doctor, not acupuncture, not anything. However I do think that there are things that I'll do a little different this time. I'll be more careful about picking up laundry and those sorts of things, I'll make sure I take every single vitamin and metformin I should take, and I will pray harder than I've prayed in my whole life. One thing I won't change is I will enjoy every second of my pregnancy if God blesses me with another one. :~)

As for what I'm afraid of....nothing really. I do dread the long trip back to CA. I'm not a fan of flying and so to be making another trip from Memphis to CA is what I dread more than anything.

I've also been asked will I tell more or less people this time. Last time I told very few about the transfer and then once pregnant only told a few more. The majority of my family and friends don't even know I was ever pregnant. I haven't decided who I'll tell and when. Really I don't know that I'll hide it like I did before. I think if it comes out fine and if not fine. However I may change my mind once we are really ready to go.

Decisions, Decisions

After some back and forth I decided (DH says it's up to me when we go for another FET) to wait until March to do my 2nd FET. Mainly because my son will be on spring break right around the time that we should be doing the FET in March and that would make things easier on my parents seeings that they will be keeping him while we are gone. It would also make it easier on my son as he's never had both his parents gone for more than a day or two and that was only on one occasion. My son doesn't do well with changes so I think that being gone while he's on spring break would be better than while he's in school.

Secondly it gives us more time to save some money and be having to pinch every penny while we are in CA. I'd like to rent a town car again and just have some extra in case we get a chance to go anywhere or do anything that first day we are there.

Lastly there are some odds and ends we need to tie up on the house and this will give us a little more time to do that.

It was a hard thing to accept that I'd be waiting yet another month, but I think that's what's best for my family and really what is one more month in the grand scheme of things.

So if AF comes as expected this month, we will be in CA around March 17 or 18th. Hopefully with March 17th being St. Patrick's day, it will bring us good luck. ;~) That's a little more than 6 weeks away!!!!