First of all my son.... we got the paperwork for his genetic testing appointment. The appointment is not until January 6th. Really?!?!?! You got scared, worried parents and we have to wait that long??? Do they really do that much genetic testing that it requires 3 1/2 months before you can get an appointment. Other than that he's doing well. We took him to have his eyes checked a few weeks ago. One of the signs of neurofibrometosis is spots on the whites of the eyes (tumors on the eyes also). So we took him to the eye doctor. Praise God!!! Not only does he have 20/20 vision, but he has no signs of anything on his eyes at all. We are so relieved.
Next is our embryos in CA. I have been meaning to email the coordinator and see about returned the embryos for over a month now. However this week I finally bit the bullet and did it. Some people close to me don't understand why I've had such a hard time turning lose of embryos that weren't biologically mine. For me it's more about seeing those embryos as babies. I feel like I've given up on my babies and 'given them away' so to speak. Even thinking about that now makes me want to cry. I've wondered why I would be given 16 embryos only to miscarry 4 of them and give the rest away. I was thinkthing about this recently and had a thought cross my mind....maybe I was brought in to 'hold' those embryos long enough for someone else (who was meant to be their parents) to finally decide to move on to embryo adoption. Instead of being their Mom, maybe I was simply the place holder for them.
On the same day that I emailed the CA clinic I also called my local RE. I am now waiting for them to call me back with an appointment time to talk with the RE about testing for recurrent pregnancy loss and about doing IUI with DS. I've heard/read that this RE is one of the best for those with recurrent pregnancy loss. They state that 75% of the time they are able to find the cause of multiple miscarriages and help those women carry a baby full term. Matter of fact, one of my friends had another friend who lost a couple of pregnancies and then after seeing this RE and going through all his testing found that she had a blood clotting disorder. Now she is Mom to a 3 year old.
One last thing I want to talk about. How do you make people understand that it's ok to talk about their new baby or baby on the way in front of you? I went through that issue with my sister when my neice was born and just the other day a friend wanted to tell me she was pregnant again, but was afraid to upset me. While I am SO grateful to have friends and family who want to protect me and who consider my feelings important, I also don't want to miss out on the joy of their pregnancy and have them feel awkward telling me about it. When my sister found out she was pregnant, everyone knew before me. That hurt me more than anything. Yes the fact that my little sister was pregnant after just a month of trying and after 10 years I still wasn't pregnant did sting. However, what REALLY hurt was the fact that I was the last to know and my sister didn't even tell me. My Dad 'accidentally' told me. When I complained to my Mom about it I found out she was the one that told my sister not to tell me. I was SO hurt by that.
Now this friend of mine was trying to protect me too and ended up telling me. I am SO thrilled for her. She and her husband waited a very long time trying to get pregnant the first time and that baby is under 1 year old. Now she's pregnant again and SO surprised how quickly it happened. They didn't even know if they'd ever have one, much less TWO pregnancies!!! So obviously I'm VERY happy for her. I just wish I knew how to make people understand that yes it does hurt when others are pregnant and I am not, but I would NEVER EVER wish infertility on anyone and I am SO happy they are able to get pregnant. I don't need to be protected. How do you explain to someone that trying to protect me actually hurts more than just including me in their journey.
