Goodbye old friend.....I will miss you

A year ago Sunday I found out for the very first time in my life that I was pregnant.  It was the happiest I've been outside of adopting my son and marrying my husband.  Now I'm so grateful for the few precious weeks I have with my baby.  I can honestly say I don't regret that transfer for a second.  God blessed me with 2 babies even though they had to go to Heaven.

This year on Sunday was a sad day.  Not because I mourned the loss of my babies, but be cause I mourn the loss of a very dear friend.  Gary was a great friend, co-worker, and Father figure.   We had alot of great times together over the last 13 years.  Today I was reading a poem written about him by another co-worker and I was remembering all the stories he told and funny things he said.  He was such a character and someone who really taught me to lighten up and not take things so seriously.

We were so close that outside of my immediate family, the person I called first when I found out I was pregnant was Gary.  He was SO happy for me.  He saw me go through the struggles of infertility and adoption.  He retired a few years ago, but we always kept in touch and got together with my other co-workers as often as we could.

Gary had a massive heart attack that took his life Sunday afternoon.  I am having a hard time realizing that he's really gone.  It all feels like a bad dream.  I want to wake up and call my friend Gary.  Gary chose to be cremated.  He wasn't a religious man for the most part and so he didn't want a funeral or a service or anything.  His wife decided to have a memorial service anyway.  That won't be for another couple weeks though.  HOW am I supposed to go?  HOW am I to face the reality that he's gone?  I don't know, but I have to do it.  Even though Gary would be cursing us for attending a service for him, I have to go.

I just wish he would have stayed with us longer.  He was only 65.  Work parties just won't be the same without him.  Who am I going to call when I need someone to listen to me and not judge me?  Who's going to call me late in the afternoon to tell me some crazy movie that's on that I could care less about.  While annoying sometimes, I'll miss that.  I'll miss all his stories about the places he had worked and things he had seen.  Gary was more than a co-worker, more than a friend.  He was family.

I'll miss you old friend......